Die, My Love by Ariana Harwicz

Author:Ariana Harwicz [Harwicz, Ariana]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: ariana harwicz, charco press, die my love
Publisher: Charco Press
Published: 2018-02-02T05:00:00+00:00

The baby woke up at seven on the dot, not caring in the slightest that it was Sunday. His body clock never fails. The fields were covered in fog. I might have been at the beach or in the desert for all I knew. It could have been me spacing out or delirium tremens, but no, it was stinking reality. Winter was almost here, and all you could see was wood piled high in every porch. I’ll spend the rest of the day watching the way the ash floats through the air. I devoted the morning to swearing at the baby. I said all kinds of nasty things to him. To the baby. There’s nothing I didn’t say, it was one insult after another. My son’s got a foul mouth for a mother. I filled him up with dirty words, the poor thing. I hope he doesn’t recognise any of them, that he doesn’t go around saying fucking hell in front of everyone after this. He looked at me and said, Mum, pee, and I told him to go and pee on his own, and to feed himself while he was at it. That wintery Sunday hadn’t got off to a good start. Things were going from bad to worse and it wasn’t even two o’clock. I’m fed up with the fact that it’s not okay to bad-mouth your own baby or walk around firing a gun. We spent the day in a stupor thanks to the gas leaking from the pipes. There must be a leak, a broken pipe, otherwise where’s this rotten smell coming from, a neighbour said once, her dress unbuttoned. I’m sure that’s why my husband’s still snoozing, it’s been almost a day now. Every so often a long-distance lorry passes by. My baby and I go out into the garden wrapped in lambswool jumpers and he says vroom, vroom, while I gasp for air. The fire inside still burns.

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